Robby Apples

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Robby Echo popped out in Seattle on June 12, 1986. He bagged his first screw at eighteen because the wait was driving him nuts. He grabbed the first willing girl, kept the show going for two hours by switching up strokes so he wouldn’t pop early, and nerves plus the condom turned him into a marathon man. She finally yanked him off when her dad’s car rolled into the driveway. Back in junior high, Echo and two buddies flashed their pubes under the bleachers to the hottest girl in school and got to suck her tits while the football game droned above them. Later highlights include banging a stranger at his mom’s high-school reunion and getting busy in his car on a Puget Sound ferry. The non-sex stuff is wild, too. He once snowboarded so far out-of-bounds he figured the mountain would claim him. Third-grade Robby pooped in a urinal. High-school Robby got hauled out of an abandoned building by cops while he and friends nursed their secret skate ramp. Psychedelics melted most of his fears. Death? He sees it as the next field trip, one he’ll try to miss but will greet like a surprise party when it shows. His real terror? Running out of apples. He found his way into porn through his ex Karla Kush. She was already shooting, he mentioned it to her agent, and OC Modeling took him aboard. Marooned on an island, he’d pack a machete, a spear, and fire-making filament. No more capitalism for him—just living off what the island hands him. His bedside bible is Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse—pages that remind him how people spin in endless, silly loops. How to Be Idle gets a nod for pointing out how we traded free time for gadgets. And anything by Vonnegut nails our ridiculous games. Movie pick? The Holy Mountain. You actually have to chew the symbolism instead of spooning down sugary popcorn. When the cameras stop, he’s usually upside-down on a yoga mat, buried in docs or splashing paint around. His folks know about the porn without needing a family slideshow. They love him anyway, and he’s the one who nudged them away from religion a decade back.

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