XmAss for Me

Hope you're into this holiday send-up. I’ve been dying to tear into Porsha Carrera’s fat, round bubble butt. Here I am dressed like that bony little creep from the stop-motion Christmas movie—yeah, you know the one. Feels like I’ve spent years craving the taste of that tight little ring, so it’s a damned miracle when Porsha pops up and drops a mountain of shiny presents at my bony toes. She grins, promises one of them will have me gushing before the eggnog’s gone. The boxes look huge, but what really has me twitching is that one skinny, pointy gift she won’t stop wagging in front of my face. Don’t skip ahead; stick around for the grand finale when I shove who-knows-what right up my own ass. Happy F-ing holidays, ya pervs.