Stand by your girl

Picture Nelly Sullivan slapping this up on Tinder, swipes before the pixels settle—there’d be a line around the block, guaranteed. Those big sapphire come-hither eyes, the smile that says "don’t make me chase you," plus the rest packed under five-foot-six like she’s breaking physics on purpose. Men would fight over the check. Too bad her bed’s booked solid, so we’re stuck out here in admiration mode, jerking our drool buckets like a damn penance. One lazy little shrug of her shoulders and our knees wobble; that’s the whole trailer for the R-rated movie we’ll never get into. Can’t touch, can stare—story of our horny, tragic lives.