Isn't He Cute?

So picture this. I'm swiping on mascara when my boyfriend wanders in and... salute. Dead serious tent in his jeans. Happens every time. I could laugh it off, but the girls can wait. I drop to my knees between his legs, unzip him like I’m opening a cold one, and give him a steady, noisy hand job right on the bathroom tiles. He’s hissing curse words, trying to hold on, legs twitching, until my quick up-down finish milks him right into a handful of tissues. He catches his breath, I wipe my fingers, re-apply gloss in three seconds flat. Crisis managed. Date night saved. I’m a goddamn hero.